A prayer of an experienced traveller

Heavenly father, look down upon us, your humble obedient traveler servants, who are doomed to travel this earth, taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs and walking in drip-dry underwear. We beseech you, oh Lord, that our car is not hijacked, our luggage is not lost and that our overweight baggage goes unnoticed. Protect us from surly and unscrupulous taxi drivers and English speaking guides.

Give us this day divine guidance in our selection of hotels. May we find our reservations honored, our rooms made up and hot water running from the tap if at all posiible.We pray that the phones work and that the operator speaks our tongue, that there is no mail waiting from our children which would force us to cancel the rest of our trip.

Lead us oh lord to good inexpensive restaurants, where the wine is included in the price of the meal, the food is superb and the waiters are friendly. Give us the wisdom to tip correctly, in currencies we don't understand. Forgive us for undertipping out of ignorance and overtipping out of fear. Make the natives love us for what we are and not for what we can contribute to their worldly goods. Grant us the strength to visit museums, the cathedrals and the palaces listed as "musts" and if, per chance, we skip an historical monument to take a nap after lunch, have mercy on us for our flesh is weak!!

Dear God, protect our wives from "bargains" they don't need or cannot afford. Lead them not into temptation, for they know not what they do!

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of themselves in cafes and nightclubs.

But above all, please do not forgive them their trespasses, for they know exactly what they do.
And when our trip is over, grant us the favor of finding someone who will look at our home movies and listen to our stories so our lives as tourists will not have been in vain.

Amen.